LUSHTICE

“Shut down the world again and I don’t know how and I don’t know why.”

It just occurred to me that I haven’t slept in my own bed (or any bed for that matter) in 15 days. Also, I’ve only left my house twice in the past 13 days. It’s obvious that I’ve been cooped up for far too long. Cabin Fever fo’ sho. In fact I’m starting to think I suffer from seasonal affective disorder or circadian rhythm sleep disorder. Actually, I might just be a hypochondriac. Probably not, but my thought process leads me to believe so. All this alone time has had my mind in overdrive - all I do is think, think, think. Too much thinking. At least I’ve been eating and showering somewhat regularly. And I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in the past two weeks.

I’m so sick of this snow. And this cold. I wish I had $$$ so I could move some place warm - unfortunately my heart yearns for areas that have this snow and cold - such as Chicago or Brooklyn. I think I’m just over everything and everyone here. Or maybe I’m just over my the way my life is currently going. I’m sure moving wouldn’t exactly solve my problems. But it would sure help me mask my problems and put on a happy face.

Is it Summer time yet? I had one of the best summer’s of my life this past summer. I was such a social butterfly. Apparently I really do crave attention.

I turn 24 on Thursday. NO THANKS!

I remember writing some paper in elementary school about how I wanted my life to be at age 18. I believe I wanted to be married w/ children, living in LA, and living the fabulous life. I also wanted to work with animals. I want none of those things today. However, I laugh that I thought I’d be married with kids at age 18. How funny! I can’t see myself married or birthing children any time this century - so never. I am going to be one of those cat ladies.. except a dog lady. Also, I will probably be one of those old washed up spinster scenester women. Do they exist? I think so.. except they were probably old washed up milfs. I’ve seen them with my own eyes. What am I even talking about anymore? See how my mind wanders?

I think I’m going to sleep in my bed tonight - if only to give myself some peace of mind. I will just sever my ankle if it can’t handle the walk upstairs.

xo Jillie